Dead Without Love
by princesszofia
Summary: Takes place after Dead Ever After. I did not care for the end of the entire series. Although I understand Sookie's choice, I think she would regret choosing logic and reason over her heart. This story starts off pretty sad but eventually will move on to kick some asses (I can think of a queen who needs a royal beating.)
1. Missing You

_This story takes place after Dead Ever After. I did not care for the end of the entire series with a coward Sookie and a resolved Eric. It just made no sense to me so I am writing my own ever after._

_This is my second language (I speak French) so please be kind. I am writing the story to follow the books so it is SPOV only. Rated M for later chapters._

_As a side note: I love reviews and sometimes I tend to judge the success of my stories based on it. So when I don't get a lot of reviews for a chapter, I tend to think its because it was garbage and I get depressed and don't write for a while. Moral of this story? Please review, it takes us hours to write stories but only takes you minutes to review. If you like someone's work, why not tell them?_

_:o)_

**Dead Without Love**

**Chapter One - Missing You**

It's been five long years. Five years of lies, of trying to live a dream only I believed in.

I ache for him, for his touch, his smile. I would give anything to feel his hand on my cheek and hear him say 'everything will be alright''. I am constantly hit with images of him, of his face I am terribly scared to forget. I can see him in the driver seat of my car smirking at me. I can see him opening doors for me in public places. I remember the lines beside his eyes when he smiles or the movement his hands make when he speaks.

I could keep on pretending everything is alright; but it is not. I have built this life for myself, a life full of lies. I thought I wanted to be normal, I thought I wanted children, a pretty house and a nice husband who would take care of me…

But I miss him. Every day I miss him. There is not one morning I don't open my eyes and wish he was lying beside me. I just want to feel his skin one more time; I just want to look into his blue eyes just one more minute. The touch of his lips, the feel of his hair, the sound of his voice; I miss him and it haunts me.

Sometimes, in the middle of a crowd, I catch myself looking for him. Every time I hear his name, I see his eyes. And when I am alone, I cry. I cry for everything I have lost, I cry for him and I cry for the lies I have been telling myself.

The weight of my silence is too much to carry when all I want is one last kiss.

To think I might never see these eyes, that I might never be able to say goodbye…

Every day I live with the weight of a burden I have created for myself. The one I wanted to believe in so much… They say the world was built for two but what is the point if you are not with the one you love?

Every time my husband touches me, I close my eyes and wish it was him. He reminds me every day how much he loves me but my lips shake at my lying replies and sometimes, sometimes, I see it in his eyes; he knows my secret. He knows I wish he was someone else. He knows I wish I had made another choice; one that would have cost his life. Yet, we keep on going, pretending we are a perfect little family trying to have kids without much success and operating a bar because we do not know anything else. Having silent discussion at the dinner table because we have nothing else to talk about and sometimes finding each other in the dark of our bedroom because the world is just lonely.

I wanted this, I asked for this…but at what cost?

The decaying of my soul? The freezing of my heart?

I can't spend the rest of my life pretending, or can I?

Life carries on and doesn't stop because you made one mistake. It carries on in the people I meet, in everyone I see on the street.. It carries on in everything around me… except myself.

My name is Sookie Stackhouse and I let myself die the day I did not fight for him.


	2. Goodbye My Friend

_Thank you everyone for adding me as a favorite, following me and taking the time to review. I really appreciate it and will reply to you via pm (if you are signed in of course)_

_Xox _

_Z_

**Dead Without Love**

_Chapter 2- Goodbye my friend_

Pain. Sure I have had my fair share of physical pain in the past couple years but what about mental pain. The kind that doesn't leave you no matter how much time goes on? How do you get rid of that pain? How do I stop it from entering your mind every morning? They say time heals everything right?

Right.

Pain, that's what I wake up with every morning. Sure I have that moment of pure bliss that last for about two seconds when I open my eyes. These precious seconds where I do not know where I am, who I am or what I am doing. These two painless seconds where I do not remember what is wrong with me.

And then like a cold shower, that third second hits me in the face with everything it has. With my past, my present and the future I am so afraid of. It only takes one more second for the pain to come back crashing in and it never fails to take my breath away.

Yet, I still get up knowing that nobody can see the pain I am in. I know I've got nobody on my side and as much as that ain't right, isn't it my fault?

How can it feel this wrong? How can that one second be so very wrong?

I wanted to be normal but what the hell is normal really? Obeying to a norm we have been taught since birth? What if it isn't who I am?

I am not normal. I will never be normal, I can hear people's thoughts for god sake!

Well this morning wasn't any different than any morning except maybe for the fact that I was going to leave Sam.

I cannot live in a lie anymore. It isn't fair to me… or him. It feels wrong, from this very moment it feels wrong but I know it's because I am afraid.

I am afraid to not be normal, to be myself, Sookie Stackhouse the human but also the fae. I am afraid to grow up and learn from my past mistake. I am afraid of what or who I can become if I let go of that very lie that hurts me every day. My wish of wanting to be normal.

Sam isn't normal either but I thought because I couldn't hear him, I would forget about his differences. I can be so naïve sometimes. How can you forget someone is not normal when you see them running naked in the woods at night? Okay maybe he could be borderline eccentric but that sure ain't the life I want to live.

So turning to my right in the bed, I was decided, I was leaving him. As I put down my feet on the cold floor of our bedroom, I took a deep breath preparing for battle. A battle of painful emotions because sure I was ending a relationship that wasn't working but I was also ending another one that was; our friendship. But I was ready for it. I had created my nightmare, it was time to end it.

Normal was boring, normal wasn't me. Sam and I were meant to be friends and nothing more. As much as I tried to kid myself into thinking I could live the rest of my life without passion or love, I was just doing that; kidding myself.

I walked to the dresser to grab some jeans and a t-shirt. There was no need to dress any different than any other day and as I was walking down the stairs, I could hear him cooking breakfast. Sitting at the table, I heard thunder in the distance as in nature was reflecting how I felt on the inside.

Sam was looking at the stove and I was looking at his back.

No words, that's how it has been for so long now I cannot recall when it started.

He turned around and put a plate of eggs in front of me with a half-smile which broke my heart; he knows.

He sat in front of me with his own plate and started to eat in silence. After a couple of bites, he pushed his plate and looked straight up at me.

"Aren't you eating Sookie?"

HE KNOWS, why would he call me by my full name?

"No" That's all I could manage with that giant ball of who knows what that had formed in my throat. Why was it so hard to end something you knew wasn't working?

"What's wrong?'' he asked me innocently which frustrated me. Why could he not end it himself, it would be so much easier.

"Everything,'' I said sighing heavily.

"I know."

I KNEW IT. Now what? I feel so sick.

"I am sorry Sam, I just can't do it anymore."

He looked so sad but I couldn't go comfort him, I had to be strong and stand on my own even if it hurt like a bitch.

"You should be Sookie. You led me on."

Well that ain't fair now is it? But he was kinda right and the truth hurts. I did lead him on but to be fair I didn't know at the time that's what I was doing. I thought I wanted to be normal. So that's what I told him.

"I know Sookie, I was equally stupid because I did believe you."

"You were not stupid." I didn't have time to finish what I was saying, he cut me off.

"Save me the lies Sookie, is it him?"

He couldn't say his name, heck I couldn't either. The past five years I haven't said it once to avoid the memories.

I did not answer him but my silence was enough of a reply.

Sam got up as he put down the fork he was still holding. He slowly brought his plate to the garbage, threw the eggs away, washed the plate in the sink and put it away. I watched every single move as if it was in slow motion.

When he finished, he walked upstairs. I heard him take out the suitcase, I heard him walking back and forth. I closed my eyes focusing on my breathing to not let the tears fall on my cheeks. I was not about to give him a chance to hold on to something; my pain.

After about fifteen minutes, he came back down with a full suitcase, walked over to the door and looked back at me.

"Will you file for the divorce?"

I wanted to scream ''That's it? No fight? Nothing?'' but I knew he was trying to spare us the pain.

I nodded.

"I will be back later for the rest of my things. I'll keep the bar, you can keep your house."

Well I guess Sam had seen it coming or something because he knew exactly what to say to make me mad instead of sad. But who am I kidding, I was not allowed to be mad. This was all my fault.

I nodded again not able to say anything.

"Don't be sad Sookie, everyone goes away in the end."

He then left me to his famous last words. How the hell was I supposed to reply to this exactly? I knew he was talking about our friendship and not our relationship and it hurt. It hurt because I realized I always counted on Sam to be there for me even before we even started dating. I guess that is why I had chosen him after all, he was a constant in my life, a constant of normality.

And now he was gone, gone for good. I had focused so much on being normal and human, I had managed to do the exact opposite of what I wanted; I had pushed away everyone I cared about human or not.

I now understand there is no way for me to be normal. I don't fit the mold… but what about my humanity? I was so scared of losing it by letting my normality go away.

And him.. I spent so much time wishing and trying to make him more human and he spent equal time trying to make me supernatural but all of that was unnecessary as we were as supernatural as we were and are human…. In the end, it is the love we have, the happiness we experience, the pain that we feel and the darkness we taste that makes us human.


	3. We Have a War To Fight

_Thank you so much for all the encouragement guys! It really helps me focus and it is super appreciated!_

_p.s I know nothing about laws in the USA so this might not be accurate but it doesn't matter; they are divorcing._

**Dead Without Love**

_Chapter 3- We Got a War to Fight_

I guess there are never real winners when it comes to divorcing but in Sam's and I case, I am definitely the one on the losing end financially. In a marriage, everything is 50/50 and I never really stopped to think what that meant. Since Sam and I never made a pre-nuptial arrangement, I guess I didn't realized that would mean my house, the bar, the car and everything else we own is just that; 50/50.

At first, it frustrated me because as much as I am sad about the break-up, I am no stupid woman. The house never belong to him in my mind and the bar, I paid him half for it. But my lawyer is clear that the day I said I do, everything became 50/50 because I didn't have that piece of paper declaring these things off limit during the marriage. That simple pre-nuptial statement that would have cost me a couple of bucks would have saved me a lot of headaches.

And the worst part is that I cannot even talk to Sam. He made it pretty clear through his lawyer that he won't talk to me or consider anything I have to say. And here I was thinking I knew Sam.

So after weeks of playing around, I was in front of the papers I had to sign to finalize the divorce. For some reason, I found it hard to put that pen down and sign my name. I am not sure exactly why. I mean, I was the one who wanted to divorce, sure, but somehow I couldn't believe it would end this way. That he wouldn't even speak to me. To be honest, it hurt my feelings but I am sure I hurt his too with you know, the whole divorce thing.

I read the documents over and over again drinking my sweet tea at my kitchen table. He agreed not to touch my house if I was giving him the bar. The entire bar, including my portion. As much as I found this unfair, I just wanted this battle to be over. Plus, Sam did not know about my secret separate account where I was receiving $3000 monthly and I had no intention to let him know. Call me a hypocrite or selfish, I don't care but I was not going to brag about money that will help me survive this situation.

So after finishing my drink, I took a deep breath and signed my name. There was no tears left, there was no more anger, the signature liberated me as if I had accepted what was happening. I guess I knew it could have been worst; way worst.

I left the papers on my table knowing that I would have to drop them off in the morning. The night was young and I had other plans tonight. I wanted to go to Fangtasia.

In the weeks during the divorce, I had done some thinking about what I would do next. I mean it had been 5 years since I even talked to anyone from the vampire world. Completely disconnected, I was not about to run in Oklahoma with gun blazing. There was also that small problem of me dying if I even set one foot there.

And Eric…. Yes Eric, just saying his name makes my stomach contracts with worry but also excitement. There was no way for me to contact him and truth be told, I had no intention to. I didn't even know if he still thought about me or would even care about what I would have to say. I thought real hard on how I would approach him or what I would tell him. One part of me wanted to yell at him, to tell him how much I hated what he had done to me, to my emotions, to my life! I wanted to tell him how much of a coward he was. We always have a choice in life and he had chosen to divorce me and run off with that queen of his… We always have a choice, he could have made a stand. But who am I kidding… Why would he have bothered knowing I didn't want to be with him. I never told him how I really felt because I didn't even know myself.

So that other part of me, the one not really mad but sad, well that part wants me to run to him, to apologize and tell him how sorry I am for everything. To take all the blame for our failed marriage and to tell him that I am ready now. I am ready to love him and to let him in. I am ready to take that risk of living with him, to give him that ability to destroy me but trusting him to not to.

And then, as fast as that side comes, the other one comes back and fights it. Fights over the fact he wants to turn me, fights over the fact he didn't really try all that hard to keep me and fight over everything and anything. While that internal debate took place, I stayed home, all alone, looking for answers to make sense of my life and as the time went by it became clear to me that I cannot, I will not live my life without talking to Eric again.

So sure I have no idea if he loves me the way I want to be loved, I don't know if he would want to talk to me again or even look at me but one thing was for sure, I needed to know. I needed closure to move on.

Tonight, I had decided I needed to talk to Pam. I needed her help to see Eric and as much as I knew she would tell me to fuck off, I had to try. I had to do everything in my power to reach him even if that meant dying in the process and that I was sure of my decision because nothing else in my life made more sense than this.

As I climbed into my car, I looked at the passenger seat. That empty seat that was always empty even when Sam was sitting in it. I smiled confident that I was doing the right thing for me. I was terrified of rejection but I couldn't let my fears stop me from doing something I needed to do for myself.

The drive to Fangtasia seemed longer than what I remembered but isn't that always the case when you are eager to get somewhere? When I pulled into the parking lot, my heart ached at the empty spot beside mine; there was no red corvette and probably hadn't for years. I climbed out of the car and watched 3 completely drunk girls walk to theirs. Normally, I would have asked to take their keys or something but not tonight. I had just enough courage to talk to Pam and nothing left to talk to 3 strangers. Watching them made me realize that I was not really dressed for the occasion. I mean I was wearing tight fitting jeans and a tank top but that was under dressed for Fangtasia. Hopefully the door bouncer wouldn't mind. I fixed my breasts in my bra and walked head up high, towards the door. I didn't bother waiting in line probably because I was used to never wait here in the first place.

The bouncer looked at me, his fangs running down. I didn't recognized him which complicating things.

"I need to see Pam," I said to him.

"I am sure you do, get in line." He replied to me in a blunt tone while he let 2 girls in. As he opened the door, I saw Pam standing at the bar looking at the dance floor. I yelled at her without much success. The bouncer glared at me and closed the door growling to get back in the line before he got mad. So I turned around and walked over to the back door that I knew all too well.

It was obviously closed and locked but I waited a couple of minutes for an employee to come out and then sneaked in. When I came to Eric's office door, I held my breath. I knew he was not there but I looked anyways. Wishful thinking I guess? I entered the empty room which was obviously Pam's office now. I don't know what gave it away… Maybe the pink accessories everywhere?

I walked behind the desk and looked at the empty chair. I felt so much pain to not see him sitting there. To not see him with his elbows on the desk looking at me with those hungry eyes of his. I imagined him smirking, getting up gracefully to walk in my direction. I imagined him putting the back of his hand on my cheek looking down at me. I closed my eyes and brought my own hand up to my empty cheek thinking of his caress, his smell, his touch. So much pain from his absence…

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

I was cruelly taken away from my day dream by Pam's aggressive voice. She wasn't talking to me, she was hissing. I turned around and faced her with all the courage I had.

"I need to talk to you."

"The fuck you don't. Get out, I have nothing to say to you."

I understood her anger, I mean I felt it myself towards many people including Eric but there was no need for it anymore, I was resolved and I was going to let her lash out at me if that's what was needed.

"Please Pam, I want to see Eric."

"So do I but I don't need you for that."

"I am sorry Pam. I know this is my fault. Please help me… I need to see him, I need to make this right."

"It has been 5 years Sookie."

"Well that's nothing for you guys right?" I said trying to lighten the mood.

She didn't reply to me but instead growled. I guess Pam was not in a joking mood but who could blame her.

"Pam… please. At least hear me out."

"There is no need Sookie. If you have a guilty conscience, that's your problem. What happened to Eric was his maker's fault and there is nothing you or me can do about it."

"I am sure the two of us cannot do anything alone but I am sure Eric would want us to at least try?"

Pam sighed and sat behind her desk.

"So where is this all coming from anyways?"

I took the time to explain to her the divorce and without going into details, I told her how I felt about Eric and how I regretted how everything had unfolded. As the perfect vampire she was, she did not show any emotions but I was secretly hoping she believed me.

"If I agree to this, it's only to help Eric, not you. He obviously cared about you in a way I don't fully understand and I am sure he would want to see you if only to take out his anger or something."

I bit my bottom lip knowing she was right. I was doing all of this not knowing how Eric would react to my sight. Heck I didn't even know how he was treated over there!

"Come back tomorrow, It's a busy night."

I walked over to the door. Sure I could be impatient and demand her help right away but I had waited for 5 years, one more night wouldn't change anything.

"One more thing Sookie."

I turned to look at her.

"How the fuck can you look the exact same as you did 5 years ago? Did you fall into some fountain of youth or something?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I guess I never really had noticed. So I went back home and waited for the next day because I had nothing else to do but wait.


	4. We're Bound To Be Afraid

**Dead Without Love**

**Chapter 4 – We're Bound To Be Afraid **

''Never doubt my affection,'' that's what he said to me before divorcing me and to be honest, it has been with me all these years. At the time, I didn't really understand what he meant by it. I was hurt that he would humiliate me in such way but I never stopped and thought about it. Never doubt his affection… that's all I had been capable of doing.

Don't get me wrong, I know Eric has his faults in all this mess. I mean he kept telling me half-truths and then wondered why I was so frustrated with him but in reality, Eric was trying to protect me and himself the only way he knew; by lying. He knew I did not want to be a part of his world and accepted that even if it meant he would have to lie to me to keep me safe. I spent countless hours blaming him for everything when in reality, if I would have seen the world for what it was; Eric might have been a different person. Maybe, just maybe, I would have given him a chance to show his true colors, the ones I had witnessed during his amnesia. That man I feel in love with couldn't be the same man knowing all the horrors and truths in Eric Northman's life and I had been so bitter about losing him I had never given him a chance to show me that man was still there. That man was still in his heart and was surviving through the nightmares of his reality. I have been so very naïve and selfish.

I wanted to be human, I wanted to be normal. He knew what that entailed and he also knew that meant I wouldn't belong with him so he fought as much as he could to shelter me from the truth that I now know. I could not have handled at the time. I have been told that if you want to understand someone's behavior, someone's emotions, walk in their shoes for one day. And as much as it is impossible to truly do that, I have been able to try and understand his decisions. Sure I do not agree with many he made and would have done it differently but now that I understand, I mean I truly understand, things might be different.

I wish….I just want a chance to tell him all of this, to tell him how much I am sorry for how foolish I was. I could sit here in my kitchen for hours debating the should have done and the should have not done but the reality is that it's time for me to put my big girl panties and face my fears. I cannot live with regret and the only way I know to deal with them is to face Eric and apologize.

I know he might not want to see me anymore and for that I will be selfish and will see him no matter what. I need closure; I need to move on with or without him.

I sigh at the thought of living without him and at the crushing pain of that possible outcome. I mean I know I could live and move on. I could find someone else, have children who would most likely fill the emptiness I feel right now but there will always be that piece of my heart missing. That tiny sliver that will never heal because when you love someone, truly in every sense of the way, you give them a piece of yourself without knowing you can't have it back. When that someone is gone, so is that piece and nothing in the world can replace it or fill it because it's simply gone.

Yet, I would never change what happened between him and I. If I had to do it all over again, I would because I smile at the thought that I have loved and I have been loved. I can truly say I know what passion is and I think that is a gift on its own.

So I waited, at my kitchen table, thinking over and over again about the selfish act I'm about to do. I am going to find him no matter what it takes, with or without Pam's help.

When the sun came down, I heard a knock on the door. I let down my shield in order to find out who it was. Sure it was cheating but I just didn't like surprises and since I was ready to be part of the REAL world, might as well use it to my advantage…

A void.

Could it be Pam? That fast?

I walked, okay I admit, I ran to the door and opened it with a big smile only to find Karin. What was she doing here?

"May I come in?" she asked coldly

"Sure, please come in." I said curious to hear why she was here. "May I offer you something?" I surely hope she says no because I did not have True Blood in the house.

"No," she said as she walked over to my table and took a seat. "Pam told me about your stupid little request. The answer is no she won't help you and no you will not go to Eric."

I looked at her a little shocked by her statement but she didn't give me time to answer anything she was already talking

"I have spent 5 years protecting you, there is no way you are just going to throw that all away. Eric cannot see you, you are not welcomed in Oklahoma. Pam will not help you because she cannot and she knows it. For the sake of everyone, just move on Sookie. Why did you leave the shifter? Or did he leave you?"

Of course I was fighting the tears in my eyes that were blurring my vision. What Karin was saying was not easy to take mainly because it was something I was scared about. I was terrified at the idea that Eric did not want to talk to me but I need my closure.

"This is purely selfish but I need closure." I simply said drying the tears with the back of my hand. "I am sure you are right in saying Eric wants nothing to do with me but I cannot just move on. I want to talk to him one more time."

"You can't."

"Sure I can." I did not have time to finish my sentence.

"No, you cannot Sookie. You can't talk to him without putting Pam's life in danger, my own and Eric's. If you truly care about him, you will forget him."

"I am sorry I can't do that. If Pam and yourself won't help me, so be it, I will do it by myself. I rescind your invitation."

At the words, Karin was taken away from the table with a strong invisible force. I stayed at the kitchen table too frustrated by her words. Why would I not want to see him again if I really cared about him? As I thought about it, I remembered something she had said. She had been protecting me for 5 years yet the contract with Eric and the queen was only for a year. I

walked over to the door to find Karin sitting on my porch.

"Why are you still protecting me?"

"Pam's orders, besides, you need protection. A lot of vampires would love to have you as a pet."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't but Pam does probably because that is what Eric would have done."

"So you say I should not go see Eric because he wouldn't want to see me but he wants to protect me? That makes no sense."

"Are you really that dumb Sookie? I never said he did not want to see you, I said he cannot see you."

It made sense to me now that she just wanted to protect herself but also Eric and Pam. By wanting to see him I was indeed putting everyone's life in danger not just my own. So what now?

"Well then Karin, if you truly care about Eric, you will help me get to him. Maybe it's foolish of me to think this but I do believe he needs his closure too and as much as the life with the queen must be exciting, I am sure he wouldn't mind a break from it."

"Pam said you were stubborn."

I smiled at her and walked on the porch.

"She wants to see you."

"Was this all an act?"

"No it wasn't but I was not about to let you ruin our lives for some stupid impulse of yours. I needed to be sure this is what you wanted."

I nodded. I am sure she had her reasons.

"Are we going to Fangtasia then?"

"No."

I waited for her to elaborate but she didn't right away. As she walked to her car she turned around and said "You know what the French says: The walls have ears."

No I did not know French people said that and I had to think about it for a minute to understand the meaning but it quickly came clearer; she was afraid someone was listening and I am sure Fangtasia was not the place either to have a discussion on how to break vampire law nor how to forfeit my desire to live by stepping into Oklahoma.

As she was starting her car she rolled down the window and looked at me with a smile.

"I heard there are very interesting things for sale in the newspaper tomorrow."

She then left leaving a cloud of dust behind her.

So I was to read the newspaper tomorrow morning? Good thing I received it early because I was anxious to see what I was going to find.

The next morning, I opened my eyes before the sun came up. I just felt like I had to be there to receive the paper in person because it would maximize my chances of reading what was intended for me. Ok it was silly but I couldn't sleep so I got up and walked to the door to make sure the paper boy hadn't come yet. When I saw nothing on my welcome mat, I closed the door a little bit disappointed and went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. As soon as I took one sip of the black liquid, I knew the paper boy was here as I caught a glimpse of his thoughts going along the line of how much he hates his job. Who could blame him?

When I got back to my kitchen table with the newspaper, I wasn't sure exactly what to look for, I just knew it was in the classified section so that's the first page I checked.

There was a lot of random ads.

_Looking to sell my cat…_

Nope, Pam doesn't like cats… or does she? I am sure she would make an ad more obvious.

_I love long walk on the beach._

Wow good luck in Bon Temps darling… that can't be it.

_Selling my husband's piece of **** car; 59 Cadillac convertible for a $1. Hurry up before he finds out._

That must be some kind of nasty divorce or something because I don't know much about Cadillac's but I am pretty sure it is worth more than a dollar.

_For sale: Red Corvette. Fully loaded including a GPS. It has 32.525152 miles. Asking $93,750179. Please call after 8:45 p.m._

Well that wasn't rocket science right? If you were looking for an ad about Eric Northman, this was it. Not only was it a red corvette for sale, just like his, but the miles amount and dollars amount made no sense. On top of that, there was no number to call ''after 8:45 p.m"

I stared at the paper and reread the ad a couple times as if it would help me understand what the secret message was. I felt like I was in a spy movie where my life depended on the decoding of it and I was getting frustrated with my inability to solve the puzzle. I was never one to be good at them anyways.

I wondered if I could ask someone to help me and immediately thought of Sam. I sighed heavily as I knew I couldn't go to him for this one.

Frustrated, I set aside the newspaper and decided to go for a walk in the cemetery. Maybe fresh eyes would help later on.

As expected this early in the morning, the cemetery was empty which made me happy because I wouldn't have to keep my shields up. The more I walked around the deeper in my thoughts I got.

I started thinking about how much my life had changed since my marriage with Sam. I had cut the ties with pretty much all the supernatural world, I had work none stop at the bar, spending my days there and my nights at home with Sam. Really, I had spent the last 5 years under a rock and I was surprised how much it had worked for me all these years although I was completely unhappy. Karin must have been doing a good job at keeping people away because I didn't even know she was around until last night.

Nonetheless, I felt alone and understood why some people avoid marriage like a pest. You do change, you have to because it is no longer about just you but about the couple and since Sam and I were trying to have kids without much success, it was even truer for us. It was never a matter of caring about them but instead a matter of caring about us and about our couple but now looking back, it was the wrong thing to do as I was standing alone without a friend to talk to.

It was only hours later that I went back inside the house to sit at my kitchen table staring at that newspaper. If only it could talk!

TBC

_I do like Cliffys. sorry. I am sure you guys can figure out the ad right?_


	5. Nothing Else Matters

**Dead Without Love**

Chapter 5 Nothing Else Matters

_For sale: Red Corvette. Fully loaded including a GPS. It has 32.525152 miles. Asking $93.750179. Please call after 8:45 p.m._

What the hell does it mean! No matter how long I look at it, no matter if I read it backwards or if I yell the words, I just don't get it. I mean obviously Pam wants to meet tonight at 8:45 but I have no clue where. If I read the ad as if every word meant something then red corvette is so I know it's the right ad and the time well it's the time she would like to meet at. But I am not sure what 'fully loaded means' 'including a GPS' and the miles and the asking price. I tried to dial the numbers into my phone but nothing worked. There are too many numbers to make any sense out of this…

I focused on the 'including a GPS' bit and then I looked at the numbers again. I held my head and closed my eyes feeling defeated until it hit me like a lightning bolt. GPS…. 32.525152….93.750179… these are GPS coordinates!

I jumped out of my chair as if I had just won the lottery. Pam's ad was so clever; it almost had taken me the whole day to figure it out. It was almost 4:30 p.m so if I wanted to make it in time, I had to hurry and get a GPS since I don't own one and hope that the location was not too far away.

After getting dressed at record speed, I took my car into Bon Temps to purchase a GPS and then eagerly entered the coordinates. The map took a while before updating and started zooming onto the American continent… well that's good, it's in the United States! Then it zoomed in Louisiana and then on Shreveport. Well, that wasn't too hard was it?

On my way to the location, I couldn't stop thinking about how excited I was. It had taken me five years to finally realize what I should have done in the first place and now that I had a goal, that I had it in sight, nothing could stop me.

As I approached town, the GPS indicated to turn on a dirt road. I am sure if my instincts were working properly and if I wasn't so excited about my new found mission, I would find the path creepy and would turn away. No one in their right mind just finds an ad in the newspaper with GPS coordinates and follows it. But I am not normal and as I embraced my epiphany of abnormality, I kept on driving further from the main road into dark and creepy woods. Great. Of course, the darkness and the trees were not enough, it had to be really far away from any civilisation and surrounded by fog. So after about 20 minutes of pot holes and bumping gravels on my fenders, I reached the end of the road where a car was parked. Not any car, a red car, a red corvette to be precised. Eric's car. As my heart started to beat faster, I parked my own beside it. Could he be here? Like really here waiting for me? It almost sounded too good to be true.

I came out of it pretty quickly looking around for him, for a sign of his presence; maybe his silhouette at the distance or his gaze from the driver's seat of his car. I thought I caught his smell lingering in the air which gave me goose bumps. My breathing was accelerated and my head was spinning from all the excitement to finally hold him. To finally see his eyes, to finally cry and tell him how sorry I am and that nothing compares to him. I need him. How did I ever imagine myself without him? How did I think one second he would be out of my mind and I would have found a way to learn to keep on living? The knots in my stomach got tighter as I waited to see him come out of the bush. As the minutes went by, I felt myself fade away with each of them. Sure I had cut all ties with him but he was still with me with every step I took, Eric was burnt into my heart and nothing could ever change that. Yet, I felt stupid because he just wasn't here and the disappointment in my heart got too heavy to hide.

Pam came out of a bush. God knows what she was doing in there but I looked at her half happy to see her half disappointed to not see him. I think she saw it in my eyes because she smiled quickly at me in a friendly understanding way before going back to her stern self.

"Sookie! I see you have found the GPS coordinates. I do apologize for the theatricals but Fangtasia and about everything I touch is under surveillance and don't get me started about you. This fucking monarchy will drive me mad."

She paused and sighed heavily before adding "I wish it was the 1800's again.. that poor Marie Antoinette."

I smiled and laughed imagining the guillotine and Freyda's head at the bottom of it. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Pam could read my mind because she started laughing as well.

"In time Sookie, we will get her head too."

"Are you in contact with Eric?" I wanted to know if she knew anything about him. Was he okay? How was living with the queen? I had 5 years worth of questions to ask and I was dying to know.

"Sometimes. Freyda keeps him on a tight leash. He came to visit 2 years ago but of course she followed his every move. It gets boring."

I nodded swallowing the guilt I was feeling suddenly.

"What's the plan?" I asked.

"It is dangerous."

"I know it is really dangerous for you guys and I can't thank you enough." I didn't have time to finish before she cut me off.

"No Sookie, it will be dangerous for you I mean. I am used to danger and quite frankly it's boring without Eric. I want him back too. He ordered me to not to anything because of your safety and all but I am not your fucking babysitter and since you have decided you want to go to Oklahoma, I must help to keep you safe. If he is not happy, he can take it out on you, I don't really care."

"Gee thanks Pam!"

"What were you expecting? A fucking welcome back party?"

"No I guess not."

"Good. So now that you know my intention and why I am in with your stupidities, here's the plan."

She was smiling at me so although everything sounded extremely bitchy and mean, I knew deep down Pam was as excited as I was to get Eric back. She probably had been waiting for me to wake up so I can understand why she would be mad at me for taking so long. At least, that's how I took her smile.

"So, we both know you are not welcomed in Oklahoma and Karin and I wouldn't be able to approach the queen nevermind Eric with a ten foot poll so we had to find another way to get there and it occurred to me to just start a revolution. Let's burn them to the ground with pitch forks and torches."

I was lost and I am sure it was written on my forehead

"I am joking Sookie."

I think my shocked face made her laugh inside

"On a more serious note, the plan is for you to get captured."

"What!? Are you nuts?''

''Hear me out Sookie. The queen won't be able to resist wanting to see you and sentence you to death. So we could just let her do that while Karin and I will casually just show up for an audience. I need to speak to Eric directly to know of his intentions knowing you are sentenced to death. I can't exactly start a takeover without his blessings."

"So instead of trying to sneak in, you just want me to get captured?"

"You cannot sneak in Sookie. It's a fortress."

"What if she takes me somewhere else, how are you gonna help me then?"

"That's not a problem, we will exchange blood before all of this so I will be able to track you."

"What?"

The thought of exchanging blood with Pam was odd but made sense. If we were going to do this, having your own personal tracking device was a huge bonus we couldn't overlook yet, it was still awkward though.

'Don't worry Sookie we will just make a temporary one," she said with her fangs coming down.

"Plus I am sure Eric wouldn't be thrilled to hear we had bonded,' she laughed.

I didn't. I was so stressed and wasn't convinced at all that Eric would want anything to do with me.

"Oh cheer up breather! Anyhow, we can't talk much longer here but you do need to get ready while I'll arrange things on my end. You know those Fae powers of yours, work on it."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Sookie, you look the exact same as you did 5 years ago. Unless you were turned, something happened with your powers for you to not age like this. We won't know what we are getting into until it's too late so might as well have everything on our side including your fairy powers."

"And how do you suggested I do that Pam? It's not like I can flick my fingers and start learning."

"I don't know Sookie. Figure it out. If we are going to do this, you need to be a fighter not just a telepath."

I shrugged my shoulders and promised I would "figure it out" one way or another.

"Check the newspaper every day. That's how we will communicate."

"Alright Pam, have a goodnight."

She smiled back before sitting behind the corvette's wheel and taking off not without spinning the tires and throwing dirt all over me. What was it with vampires and leaving a scene in a cloud of dust? I then headed back to my house, tired from waking up too early and trying to solve puzzles.

I spent the next few days thinking about this whole plan and how I could tap in my fae powers. I wasn't too keen on the whole 'let's get captured to get in plan' but I had to admit, it was the easiest way to get in. She just had to be REALLY confident in getting me out.

I now had a new routine which consisted of checking the newspaper every morning for a special ad while drinking my coffee. The rest of the day was usually just sitting around the house doing nothing or when I felt like it, cleaning and yard work. Since the divorce, I obviously did not work at Merlotte's anymore which was really sad because I did enjoy it. Since I was completely bored most of the day, it did occur to me to find a job. Not that I needed the money but it would occupy my time nicely but I had decided against it by pure laziness but also because soon enough I would be committing a suicidal act which would prevent me from working. On top of all this, I had to figure out a way to get in touch with my inner fae but without anyone's help and with the past five years ignoring that part of me, I wouldn't be surprised if my efforts would be in vain.

When the sun came down that day while I was having my dinner, I felt two voids around the house. I automatically assumed it was Karin but I was intrigued by the second one. Was it Pam?

I looked out the window and couldn't locate either or so I walked out to the porch calling Karin's name.

No Answer.

I found it odd that she wouldn't come to the porch right away especially as she had spent so long protecting me from the woods. I wondered if Sam knew all along but went back to focusing on the darkness that was surrounding me. I couldn't see anyone or anything. I called her name one more time without much success. No matter how much I tried to focus on the dark woods, nothing looked out of the ordinary until I heard a branch cracked. I asked who was there but again was met with a heavy silence which made my stomach wrench a little. The more I was asking who was there, the more I became afraid it wasn't anything good.

Where the hell was Karin and who was out there toying with me? As I knew it was at least two voids, I decided to go back into the house. If it was vampires, they wouldn't be able to do anything to me if I stayed in the house. When I got back in, I almost had a hard attack at my ringing phone.

I took it and after listening to another silence and of course heavy breathing, the other person hung up. What is this, some kind of horror movie? I know what I did last summer and I didn't kill anyone.

I giggled more out of stress than anything and looked out the window hoping to see something. Then because I was apparently in a horror movie, the phone rang again. I was half expecting 'seven days' or heavy breathing but instead heard screaming and yelling then silence again.

"What the fuck is going? Who's this?"

I heard a click and sighed in frustration. I was getting pretty scared by all this tormenting and knew I was going to be in for a long night. This is exactly why I always thought I needed a panic room.

The phone rang again but this time I didn't pick up. Whoever was playing with me could go fuck themselves. I walked to the kitchen and open the cupboard to grab a shotgun and while I was loading it, the phone rang over and over again. On the fifth time, I picked it up yelling WHAT in the receptor.

"Sookie?"

It was Pam's voice.

"Pam! Oh my god I am so happy it is you! Where is Karin? I think someone is outside and."

Pam cut me off

"Karin has disappeared. Do not go outside, I am on my way."

I heard the click and I hung up. Karin had disappeared? What? I couldn't help but to think I might have been responsible. Maybe somewhere, someone had found out about our plans?

**TBC**

**Don't forget to review! :o)**

_I would like to thank everyone for the reviews and encouragements! I try my best to reply to all of you! Unless you are not signed in then I can't do it :(_

_Thank you to Christicdc for being my beta and advising me on the story. I love working with you darling xxx_

_xxxx_

_Z_


	6. By No Means

_Chapter 6- By No Means_

I didn't have much time left to my thoughts as I heard the back door's window break. I was mortified at the idea that someone was coming in and I could feel my heartbeat accelerate. I tried to slow down my breathing as I listened carefully to the door knob click as the door was opening. I lifted my shotgun and aimed at the hallway expecting the intruder to walk into my field of vision. I took a few deep breaths while I heard the slow heavy foot step on my creaking, hardwood floors. My finger was off the trigger but I could feel it twitch, ready to pull. Gran always said; if you are going to point a gun at someone, make sure you are ready to pull the trigger.

It seemed like it was taking my intruder an eternity to walk into the kitchen and I was getting anxious. I looked at the phone considering calling someone but focused instead into the empty hallway. When I looked back there he was, standing right at the end of my shot gun. I could see his yellow eyes, I could hear him growling and without much thought I pulled the trigger closing my eyes in the process. Sure you could say it's probably the last thing I wanted to do but it's him or me and I choose me.

I heard the loud bang of the shotgun, while the recoil pushed me off my feet and to the floor. As I was falling down on my ass I saw the Were get hit on the right shoulder and place his left hand on it, growling even louder. As soon as I hit the floor I tried to get up but the Were was already on top of me with his blood dripping onto my face.

"Let me go," I yelled, which caused the Were to laugh.

"Fuck you, you little bitch. You shot me!"

The Were was incredibly strong, capable of holding me down with just one arm. I tried to scream but somewhere in my throat the scream died in terror. I had trouble breathing with him now sitting on my chest. His good arm was holding both my arms above my head and as much as I could move my legs, they were useless to me. With his bad arm, he punched my face a couple times which made me yell out in pain. I looked to my left spitting the blood that had pooled in my mouth and coughed up some more. He grabbed me by the throat, I instinctively put my hands on his wrists trying to get him to stop choking me. I felt my eyes bulging out of my skull, I was quickly running out of air. Everything was blurry, my assailant's face was slowly disappearing before my eyes and as quickly as he had grabbed me, he stopped choking me before it was too late. He got me up as he held my arms behind my back and instructed me to walk towards the back door he had unlocked.

I tried to break free a couple times but each time was met with a kick in my knees which is a lot more painful than I thought. All my attempts were futile and I felt the panic slowly creeping in. When we reached my backyard I saw a man standing in the middle of it. Just by his demeanor and his void, I knew he was a vampire which didn't help my panicked state. What the hell did they want with me?

When we reached the vampire, I looked right into his eyes, a little bit in defiance but a lot more in search of answers. He was smirking at me.

"I wonder what he sees in you, really," he said out of spite. I wasn't sure who he was referring to. As the Were was holding me, the vampire reached to my face caressing it as you would a pet. His hand started to go down my face, to my shoulder not missing my boobs along the way. As he grabbed one of them he exclaimed. "Most likely for this. I wonder what you have to offer little flower."

I shivered. I was not a little girl anymore, I knew damn well his intentions. Did he come to my house for the sole purpose of raping me or was there more? The thought of him on me made me wheeze with nausea. He looked at the Were with an evil smile.

"Maybe we could share her before bringing her to the queen."

I was too busy freaking out about being rape to realize he was talking about Freyda.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked still trying to break free but the Were had no problem containing me.

"Me? Mmmm other than have some fun, not much. But the queen she wants you darling."

"Why!?"

"Are you really that ignorant?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

The vampire rolled his eyes as I looked around in search of an escape plan. After a couple of minutes staring me down, the vampire put his hand on my belly and into my pants undoing them. The Were was holding me tighter with his face buried into my neck. I could feel his hot, slimy tongue on my pulsing jugular. I closed my eyes out of desperation. What was I going to do? I couldn't bear the thought of letting them violate my body in such way. I decided I wouldn't go down without a fight and remembering the self-defense training I had once taken. I made my legs go limp which caused my body to fall to the ground. The Were tried to catch me but I was ready for him and I punched the fuck out of his package. I felt the rage boiling within me. There was no fucking way these fuckers would get me alive and there was no way in hell they would do what they wanted with my body.

As the Were bent down in pain, I turned to the vampire doing the exact same to him and then pushing him away. I proceeded to get the fuck out of there running back to my house. I knew the Were could come in, but not the vampire and I had better chance of defending myself against one than two. As I ran to my house I felt a hand grabbing my arm. The sound of my bone cracking was loud as my body hit the ground. The excruciating pain hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like the world was spinning. The unknown vampire had reached me before I could enter my house and now I was on the ground with a broken arm at his mercy. In a split second he was on top of me ripping my shirt to pieces. As he stared at my exposed bra, I could see from the corner of my eye the Were approaching.

I was surprised with how angry I felt. I wanted to kill both of them which made my teeth clench together. My hands were clasped so tight my knuckles turned white. I had been through so much and now when I finally knew what I wanted and how to get it, I would have to deal with this, AGAIN? As the vampire reached down to my bra, I felt this overwhelming rage boiling all over my body. The next thing I knew, the vampire was yelling out in pain and a nasty flesh burning smell hit my nostrils. The vampire moved away from me as the Were tried to grab me but also screamed out in pain.

I took this as my omen to try to get away once again so I ran back to the house holding my broken arm with my other one. Once I was in my house, Pam came in the front door with her fangs out. She looked at me with a look of confusion I didn't recognize.

"What the fuck?" is all she said.

I turned to the mirror hanging to my left and what I saw scared the shit out of me. Not only was my skin bright red but smoke was coming out of it. Am I on fire?

**Author's note: I KNOW ITS BEEN FOREVER! I'm sorry :( Just wasn't feeling the words. Anyhow, it shouldn't happened anymore because I am already working on the other chapters. yay! **

**Thank you to Gyllene for being an awesome beta, Virala for being an essential part of my support system and to everyone who takes the time to review. I know you think it doesn't mean much but it does! When I am sad or don't feel like writing, sometimes I go back and read your kind words and it inspires me. Special mention to Jfozz: you should get an account so I can personally thank you for all your support on both my stories xxxx**

**REVIEWS please, I love them :)**


	7. A Cruel Taste Of Winter

**Dead Without Love**

Chapter 7 A Cruel Taste of Winter

I brought my hand to my face scared it would also burn me but other than feeling hotter than usual and of course being bright red, it seemed like it was normal. I didn't had much time to ponder on why the hell I looked like a lobster fresh out of a boiling pot, the Were was entering from the back door. I looked at his hand which appeared to be burnt pretty badly. Did I do that? Well yes, but how the fuck?

He launched for me but I guess he missed Pam on the other side of me who didn't wait for the invitation, she pounced on him and ripped the arm off with the burnt hand. Wow. I mean I have seen brutalities, and sure my life is not made out of pink cotton candy and sugar coated pies but it seemed a little much for the situation to me. Pam had the biggest smile on her face which just added to the psychotic nature of the scene. The Were let out one of those screams you hear and it haunts you for a very long time. He's not a vampire so it won't grow back. I'm not sure if it was out of mercy or distraction but Pam let the Were go. He took off to the front door and never bothered to look back. Who can blame him. He did leave his arm behind.

Awesome.

Pam ran to the backyard and I followed her as fast as I could. When the vampire saw Pam, I think he thought about taking off but he didn't have time. I guess Pam was older because she had no problem taking control of him. She brought him onto the porch with one hand, sat him down on a chair and asked me if I had any silver jewelry. Of course I did. I had been around enough vampires to learn to always have silver chains on hand. I ran upstairs and grabbed a couple silver chains I had purchase only months ago. They were the really thin kind, the ones you can easily break. But of course vampires couldn't. Why would I spend a fortune on thick ones when this would just do the same?

I ran back to the porch and almost handed the chains to Pam but then kinda of had a ''dah'' moment. Pam cannot touch them… I nodded at her, sighing heavily to my sometimes stupidity and put the silver chain around the vampires wrists. Pam was smirking once again as in she really enjoyed this kind of shit. Wait let me rephrase this, she did enjoy it, it's Pam.

"Mmmmm, let's put him on the floor instead, it will be easier for me."

I wasn't sure what exactly she meant by easier but I removed the chain, waited for Pam to lay him on the ground and then proceeded to put a chain on both his wrists and ankles. I wasn't sure what exactly Pam had in mind but I wasn't going to ask her. I left the porch to go back into the hallway to look at my face again. I no longer looked like a lobster anymore and had seemed to be back to normal. I touched my face a little bit in disbelief as if the simple fact of touching it would give me answers. What had happened? Was it possible this was the kind of power Pam had been talking about? My fairy powers? I wondered why it would manifest itself now but didn't really have time to think about it as I heard the screams that were coming out of the vampire were pretty atrocious.

Walking back to the porch I heard Pam asking the vampire why he was here. The response was a hiss followed by a scream. The vampire was still lying on his back and Pam was standing up with her heel on top of his rib cage. She asked the question again which was met with another hiss coming from him. She then proceeded to push down her heal through his flesh all the way till one of his rib broke which she performed without much thought.

"Again, why are you here?" Pam looked absolutely bored which one could have found amusing considering what she was doing.

He answered once again and Pam broke his last rib. She then crouched to be face to face with him and ripped one of his fangs out in a heartbeat. The vampire was screaming in pain as his blood was now decorating the side of my house. I couldn't bear to watch anymore. The smell, the sounds… no it was too much for me. I told Pam I was going to go get myself some tea and went back into the house making sure to close the door behind me.

I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea but the screams were still too loud and distracting. I then proceeded to turn on some music and I grabbed a pair of ear plugs from the gun cabinet. Why would I just stand here listening to someone being tortured? I'm no angel and of course I'm not against torture in a way. I understand sometimes especially with vampires it's the only way but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.

I was reading my book with an empty cup of tea when Pam entered the room. She was covered in blood and didn't seem too happy about it. I took the earplugs out and watched her as she put down a towel on my couch and then sat on the edge of it.

"I will have to buy a new pair of shoes after this."

I looked down and notice her heel was broken. I offered to pay for them which made her laugh. As she was laughing I whispered a thank you and she smiled at me quickly before going back to the cold Pam that I know.

"Tell me what happened Sookie?" She asked.

I explained to her in detail the attack and when I was at the part where their hands were burnt she stopped me.

"What were you thinking at that moment?"

"I don't remember. It all happened so fast Pam! I was scared that I was going to be raped again and I wasn't interested in it happening again.

"Sookie, what happened to their hand is not a coincidence. You burnt them with your skin. You need to figure out how. I have heard of something like this only once in my lifetime. It didn't end well."

"What do you mean?"

"The fairy wasn't capable of controlling it and burnt her husband to the ground."

I looked at her in horror and concentrated on what I was thinking at that very moment. This was so frustrating. I didn't want to burn people to the ground out of rage.

"RAGE! That's what triggered it Pam! I was mad that this was happening to me again! You think the cluviel dor activated some kind of powers in me? "

Could it be possible that it had recharged my light or something? Could the repercussion of using it actually be something positive for once?

"Well unless looking like a tomato is part of your southern fiery charm, i think in all actuality, yes it did."

" I don't know how to use it! What am I going to do?"

"Calm down Sookie. It's been five years and it only manifested itself now so unless something terrible happens to you and makes you snap , I think you will be just fine. We just need to make sure you don't go Hulk on us."

"How the hell do you know about Hulk?"

"I like comic books. What's wrong with that?"

"I didn't take you for an Avengers' fan, that's all."

"You want to tell me, you don't like to see these men in tights?"

"Hulk doesn't wear tights."

''No but Hulk isn't the reason why I read them"

I looked at Pam not sure if I should be comforted in the idea that she likes superheroes or terrified she likes her men in tights. She smirked and then proceeded to tell me she got some very good information out of the vampire who is now a pile of goo on my porch.

As she was explaining that someone would come in the morning to clean up for me, I tried to get up to make myself another cup of tea but the pain from my broken arm made me sit back in a hurry. Pam looked concerned for a split second and then got up.

"Let me heal you Sookie. We don't want to go to the hospital."

I stared at her for a minute thinking about what we had discussed before. Pam wanted to exchange blood so we could create a temporary bond. If I was to drink from her wrist just now maybe it was time for her to drink from me. I always knew I tasted better than humans which always scared me being around vampires. What if Pam was not able to control herself? Was there a way to take my blood out and just give her a spoonful or something? I sighed heavily and then took a deep breath.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Should we just create the blood bond in the meantime?"

"That is what concerns you?"

"Well yes! Apparently I'm some kind of delicious fairy so.."

"You are scared I could drain you?"

She actually looked hurt when she said that. It made me feel like such a jerk. Pam has been nothing but an awesome friend and here I was telling her I was scared she would kill me when she has saved or helped save me on multiple occasions.

"No no, let's just do it now. I just don't know how we are going to do this."

"I will open my wrist so you can drink from it and then I will drink from yours at the same time. I won't take much don't worry."

Her fangs came out as she sat beside me mumbling she would buy me a new couch since she was putting blood everywhere. I told her there was no need since its leather and I can clean it. I did learn from dating vampires.

She bit her wrist and offered it to me as I offered her mine. I felt the pain from her fangs piercing my skin but I was too busy drinking her blood to even care. The blood was flowing into my mouth and it instantly made me feel better. Its coldness was dripping down my throat as I felt her lips sucking on my own blood. I heard a moan but I wasn't sure if it was my own. I sucked a little harder on her wrists as I climbed onto her lap. I felt this overwhelming need of getting closer to her. It was hard for me to think about anything else but her at that very moment and the lust that took over me was hard to control. I let out a moan as she was grabbing my ass and in unison we stopped feeding from one another as our lips collided. Our kiss was passionate and slow. I felt her tongue entering my mouth and play with my own while our hands were freely touching each other's body. I felt my stomach knotted and my heart wrenching as I pushed to get even closer to her. She then picked me up in a graceful movement as if picking up someone from your lap as rising off the couch was something natural. She sat me bac kdown on the sofa now being the one on top and she broke away from the kiss. I instantly missed her lips, her kiss, her touch. I knew vampire blood was the reason for my lust, but there was something more. Something in her kiss reminded me of Eric as in being with her brought me closer to him.

What kind of sick person am I? I chose not to tell her this and instead stared at her waiting to say something.

"Well that was interesting. We should do this more often."

I giggled as my cheeks turned bright red. Sure it wasn't necessary my fault but I was allowed to be a little embarrassed by my behavior. Especially since I'm not bisexual and this was purely lust. A mortal sin may I add.

I started imagining Pam on top of me going down to my breasts before shaking off the thoughts. Thank you blood for this obsession, just what I needed. She looked at me amused probably because she felt the lust taking over me once more.

"We have to control ourselves Sookie," she said jokingly but somehow I knew it wasn't just a joke. I was going to obsessing about her for a while ,a small price to pay for security I guess.

"I need to go back to Fangtasia," she said as she walked to the door. "The blood worked, I can feel emotions coming from you. Interesting."

"Wait! Did the vampire tell you where Karin is? Or why they came after me?"

"There is a price on your head. I am not sure why but I am guessing these 2 mercenaries had something to do with Karin disappearance and now that she is not around, you are an open target. We need to get you secured. I will ask Alcide to come tonight and tomorrow we will move you into my house for the time being. Don't worry Sookie, we will figure it out. If all fails, you can always burn those bitches down."

I chuckled at Pam's joke. Fifteen minutes after she left, Alcide showed up. I invited him in and we sat at the kitchen table. We spent the night talking about pretty much everything and anything as there was no way I would sleep tonight.

TBC

_I cannot thank you enough for all the reviews. THANK YOU! One more thank you goes to Gyllene for her excellent work as a beta. xxxx_

_As a side note, feel free to add me on facebook for more information on my stories, myself and why I take so long to updates sometimes hahaha If you think I am dead, well just check that page :)_

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	8. Never Back Down

Chapter 8- Never Back Down

When the sun came up, Alcide left my house. I definitely felt safer with him around but for now I needed to get ready to live at Pam's for a while. I didn't know how long a while was but I was okay with it. Sure I didn't like the idea of living at someone's else because I didn't feel safe in my own home but if that was the price to pay. Heck for all I know, it's not because I don't want to be part of the supe world that they will let me not be a part of it. The only reason why I had been allowed for five years to live somewhat normally was because of Eric's sacrifice, Karin's obedience and my own selfishness. I have always been stubborn to the point of losing things and people I care about but this time, it wasn't going to happen. I had to see Eric and do whatever it takes. I knew I would be safe at Pam's house and to tell you the truth, I was happy to get closer to Pam because in my own twisted mind, I was getting closer to him and the mere thought of it excited me.

As I was packing my suitcase with random clothing, I took a minute to stop and look at my hands. It was pretty cool to think that I had new powers I didn't even know existed. I felt so empowered when the two assholes were screaming in pain from the burnt I had inflicted on their hands. It was one of those moment where you feel invincible and want to scream TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

I laughed out loud but then stopped abruptly. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I seriously taking pleasure in seeing someone suffer. Sure they deserved it but why does it feel so right? I shivered as I quietly imagined and understood how some fairies could go completely psycho. The burden of such powers comes with consequences I suppose. Then, of course, I had to think about the fairy war and the lovely torturing that occurred and I ran to the bathroom thinking I was going to puke all over my suitcase. I hugged the toilet bowl like it was my new found friend waiting for it to come out but it never did. I gagged a couple more times until I felt a hand holding my hair behind me like a best friend would do for you in shameful time like this one. Who would want puke on their hair? I turned around quickly gasping in surprised to find a woman smiling at me.

I backed in the corner of the bathroom yelling to get the fuck out of my house.

"No no! I do not wish to harm you! My name is Kylie. I am a fairy! The prince has sent me"

"That is impossible, the portal is closed. My great grand father closed it"

"Yes but he has reopened it."

"Why?"

"I am not in liberty to tell you such information" She said with a smile. Fucking fairies. Well okay I'm one but not a full one. Why would Niall reopened the portal anyway? Did I miss something?

"why are you here then?"

"Your spark, it's brighter. You need help to manage it"

I got off the bathroom floor with Kylie's help. So she was here to help me control my spark? I can't really refuse help as I need to understand this new power of mine and control it. Right now, as far as I know I could explode in the middle of a grocery store because the apples are 20 cents more expensive than expected. I stared at her for a moment and thought to myself it was odd that in five years I never heard a word from anyone from the supe world but now out of nowhere, everyone is at my door. Was it the cluviel dor that ''charged'' my spark? Why did Niall decide to open the portal just now? And why would I trust that fairy right away. I don't really care if she states Niall sent her. There is no way for me to verify it. I had so many questions, it made my head hurt.

I got up from the corner and started walking down to the kitchen. Since I had no way to verify what she was telling me, I had no choice but to trust what she was saying. Nothing stop me from listening to what she had to say, you know, while watching her every move VERY closely.

She followed me to the kitchen.

"Would you like something to drink or eat?" I asked her.

"I'd take a tea!" she said in a happy tone that was overdone.

I started making it observing my new friend at the corner of my eyes. Her over excitement at everything was already getting on my nerves. She was very tall, like almost Eric tall and she had long black hair. Her skin was freakishly pale for a fairy and if it wasn't for the warmness of her skin, she could be mistaken for a vampire. Her green eyes were watching me intently as I put down the cup of tea I had just made her. She brought the cup to her red lips when I noticed the tattoo on her wrist. It was a heart. I think she saw me looking because she quickly put back the cup on the plate and placed her hand on her lap so I couldn't see it anymore.

"So! How long have you known your spark glows brighter?"

"Maybe ten minutes"

"Oh, so you had no idea? Because it's been like this for quite some time. Since you activated that Cluviel dor"

Good to know.

"So why are you showing up now then?" I asked. Oh sometimes I surprise myself on how quick I can be. I took her by surprise with my question because she started staring at the floor. Was she going to just ignore my question and hope it will just go away? I smiled quietly as I felt totally in control of the discussion. If this girl wants me to trust her, she better start talking.

"I activitated that thing almost six years ago so please tell me why it took you so long?"

"time is different in our world, you know this"

OUCH she's quicker. What the hell am I supposed to say after that one. I didn't really have time to calculate the difference between the two worlds she was already changing subject.

"Aren't you with that shifter anymore? Where is he?"

I looked at her puzzled by her question. How did she know about Sam. It's not like I knew her.

"We are separated."

"I see, is it the Viking?"

"How do you know so much?"

She giggled at my answer probably because it confirmed her thoughts.

"Niall told me. He couldn't come himself as he has a lot of work to do"

"So he sent you? I don't even know you"

"You don't need to know me Sookie. It's the same process for all fairies. Look at me as a teacher not a stranger. Here"

She got up and lit up the tip of her fingers. She reached out to me asking me to put my index on hers. As soon as it touched I was hit with a memory of her talking to Niall. He was explaining to her who I was and how it was important to teach me my new powers as I was finally ready to learn. I had had my revelation.

Whatever that meant, fairy or not she couldn't fake this so I knew she wasn't lying.

"how did you do that? Pushing a memory like that?"

" In time, I'll show you. Since you are telephath, I think you might be capable of more. We will have to be careful, we don't want you out of control. You know, usually your fairy godmother would teach you this"

Wow thank you for reminding me of her. I sighed heavily and looked away.

''We will train everyday as time is essential. If you stay like this too long, you will spin out of control"

"Like this?" I didn't know what she meant.

"Your spark Sookie! It's brighter. Whatever happened last night made it even bigger and you just don't know how to contain it but I will show you"

''Can we please stop the freaking riddles here. I don't know what you mean at all. I am just fine. Last night was not an ordinary night and this won't happen again."

I got up quickly, frustrated by this fairy. I was so sick of not being explained anything and having to follow blindly whoever asked for it. It reminded me of Eric a little.

"Sookie calm down"

I turned around and told her to shut it and to get out. She looked at me with such a stunned look it made me stop in my track.

''what?'' I asked in a hurry

"This is what I mean"

She grabbed my arm and brought me to the closest mirror. My face was bright red and hot to the touch.

''Whatever happened last night awaken something you were holding back and now it's getting out of control and you need to calm down!"

I went back into the kitchen livid that something like this could happen. It wasn't my fault yet I could hurt someone, hurt myself! I was scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to control it, what if I wasn't! I felt the panic coming up as I looked at Kylie who was now sitting at the table.

''Take a deep breath Sookie and think about something positive and relaxing in your life. It's easier to control our powers if we link them to a specific emotion. To calm down you need to think of a memory of calm, a peaceful moment in your life."

I thought about it for a moment. The only person that always brought peace and reason into my life was Gran. I thought about her, sitting in her rocking chair, reading a book. She looked up at me and said ''don't worry Sookie. Everything happens for a reason. Would you like a piece of pie?". It made me chuckle because Gran always offered me pie when I was upset. Some could say I eat my emotions, but it helps me! Kylie asked me to put myself in that moment, in that memory. To remember all five sense, so I did. I reminded myself of Gran's smell, of her smile, of the softness of her wrinkled skin, the taste of the sweet pie, how awesome it tasted and finally the sound of her voice. I miss her so much.

'' That's it Sookie! It's working"

I touched my face which I guess wasn't red anymore as it wasn't hot at the touch.

"This is the first step. You need to learn how to tone down these powers before learning how to use them"

I smiled at her because although this wasn't the biggest step in the history of mankind, it was still a step in the right direction. It gave me hope that I can do this.

"Tell Pam I need three weeks"

I coughed at her words and looked at the seat where she was sitting. She had popped out of my house. How did she know about Pam and why would Pam need to know how long my training was. Were they plotting in my back? I meditated on that as I went back upstairs to finish my bags. It was almost time for Pam to come pick me up.

A couple minutes after the sun came down, Pam was at my door. She looked a little bit excited which I found really odd.

"Just one suitcase?"

"I don't have much"

"I can see that"

I brought my suitcase into her car and we drove out to her house which was in Shreveport. It was a small country house on one of those suburb streets. You know the type where all the houses look the exact same? Little boxes made of ticky tacky… I guess Pam's was a little different looking mainly because it was pink. Not a bright pink, but pink nonetheless.

"there is a neighborhood watch so if you are ever in danger during the day just go on the street"

"okay. I didn't really take you for the suburb gal"

"I drive a porshe SUV Sookie"

"right"

"I promise I don't have a soccer ball in it"

I laughed at her remark. Not that there was anything wrong with soccer but I couldn't imagine Pam as a mom, certainly not as a soccer mom.

Her house wasn't really big but it had three bedrooms on the top floor and an open kitchen living and dining room concept. Her house was entirely pink. I don't mean a little pink here and there. No, I mean each room was painted a different shade of pink, and the furniture was white. It looked like a giant doll house.

"I decorated myself!"

"You don't say…"

"What do you mean?"

"It's nice" I bit my tongue because I didn't want to hurt her feelings but the pink throw up was pretty atrocious to my eyes. I already don't like pink but this. Oh my god…

"I am really thankful that you are letting me stay in your house Pam. Thank you" I quickly said before my thoughts went too far. Sure it was pink but I felt safe here and sometimes I may sound like I am not grateful but I was.

She walked me upstairs and showed me the master bedroom which was completely white. No pink in sight.

"This is your room. Tomorrow you can go buy decorations if you want so it can be in the colour you like"

"wow thank you Pam! You didn't have to"

"yes I did, whenever you are sick of the pink, you can come here"

I giggled and thanked her again.

"Where is your room?" I asked knowing it would most likely be in the basement.

"it's the basement"

"the whole thing!?''

''Yes! What else are basement good for?"

She left me to my room and my suitcase which needed to be emptied. I guess it was time for me to make this room mine.

An hour later I joined Pam in the living room and proceeded to tell her about Kylie and what we had achieved today.

TBC

Thank you so much for all the reviews! I am completely floored by some of you who not only take the time to write something for me but also analyze my story so much. To be honest, most of your comments do make me think and I really appreciate it because it helps me better myself and this story. THANK YOU. (as for the legal side of Freyda's contract, we will come to that in a later chapter)

As a side note, the technique Sookie uses to calm her nerves is a real technique that is used in behavioral treatment in psychiatry. It is called full conscience and it helped me through really bad times in my life. It consists of closing your eyes and put yourself either in a happy memory or the present moment. To feel what is around you(through the five senses) which will take your mind off what makes you sad or violent.

So if you ever feel the need to do something stupid such as taking your own life, I urge you to do full conscience, to calm yourself and to get help. Whatever you are going through is not worth your life.

Xxxxx

Z


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